28 Oct Why We Serve — Domestic Violence Awareness Month

Photo by Ross McIntire; Senior Director, Development and Marketing, Nicole Williams MSW.

At RMHC Bay Area, we recognize domestic violence affects every single community. Nicole Williams, MSW, Senior Director of Marketing and Development, has dedicated her career to supporting women, children, and families coping with trauma. From journalism to domestic violence response and sexual assault prevention in higher education, Nicole has put supporting individuals experiencing trauma first.

Over the last four years, Nicole has been integral to Ronald McDonald House’s mission to support sick children and their families to access medical care. Through overseeing development programs, organizational communications, and impact-driven storytelling, she advances community awareness and support of our mission so we can be there for as many families as possible through the trauma of childhood illness.

During Domestic Violence Awareness Month, we asked Nicole to share why breaking the silence around domestic violence is critical to fostering healthy families.

Q: Tell us a little about yourself and how you got involved with Ronald McDonald House.

Q: How does RMHC Bay Area’s mission align with your values?

While I am not a parent, my family has survived many traumas—domestic violence, divorce, addiction, and my dad’s heart transplant. Each of those experiences was lonely and fracturing. I wish my family had had an organization like RMHC Bay Area that was built to simply be there for us. 

In my current marketing and development role, I have the privilege of sharing stories that connect people to each other and our mission to be there for sick kids and their families. For me, stories are the most powerful tool that we have to enact the thing I value and respect most –vulnerability. I’m a BIG Brene Brown fan (ask anyone I work with!). She says, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity.” 

I am humbled every day to witness the young patients and siblings we serve being joyful and courageous in the face of pain and fear. When my dad was diagnosed with congestive heart failure, doctors said he needed a heart transplant to survive. It shook every aspect of my family system. Because of my experiences, I know firsthand that the families we serve have no choice but to live vulnerably, which means that our Houses and spaces are bursting with the things I cherish and value most: love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, creativity, hope, accountability, and authenticity.

Q: What inspired or led you to a career in nonprofits?

Nonprofits are dynamic places that impact people’s lives, whether you’re giving or receiving support. At RMHC, I can fuse together and exercise all of my passions at once–storytelling, social work, feminism, and building healthy family systems.

Stories have always been my lifeline–writing, sharing, listening to, and exploring the moments that shape our lives. I am grateful to have a career that places me in the presence of heroes each time I meet a family, collaborate with one of my colleagues, or meet a donor or volunteer who gives generously with their whole heart.

Q: Why is Domestic Violence Awareness Month important?

Because domestic violence is still often seen as a “private matter”¹https://www.jstor.org/stable/26612263 between partners and families, silence perpetuates it generation after generation after generation. When I was growing up, it wasn’t that people didn’t see the abuse that impacted my family or my own romantic relationships. People saw it. The problem was no one said it wasn’t okay. Not having anyone in my life willing to say, “This isn’t okay,” kept me in a cycle that I thought was normal. Then, I took a psychology class in college, where I learned about the cycle of domestic violence²https://domesticviolence.org/cycle-of-violence/ and the wheels of power and control³https://www.theduluthmodel.org/wheels/. Finally, I saw, in black and white, “This is not okay. And you’re not the only one.” For the first time, I didn’t feel so alone. 

Armed with a new understanding of my family system and intimate partner violence (which disproportionately impacts women, girls, and LGBTQ+ individuals⁴https://www.justice.gov/ovw/page/file/1509451/download) changed everything for me–and my family. Awareness gave us the opportunity to heal and do things differently. That’s why, awareness efforts like #domesticviolenceawarenessmonth are key to breaking the silence, which keeps rates of intimate partner violence as high as 25%-61%⁵https://ncadv.org/blog/posts/domestic-violence-and-the-lgbtq-community — which is just not okay. Not at all.

Q: How does domestic violence affect the population of families Ronald McDonald House supports?

Prevention of domestic violence starts with boundaries. At RMHC Bay Area, we say explicitly that domestic violence is unacceptable and won’t be tolerated from the moment you enter our doors. But it doesn’t stop with a posted sign of house rules. During check-in, our Family Services team talks to every family about what’s okay and not okay in our Ronald McDonald House community and works directly with families to help them find new ways of communicating, interacting, and coping to foster healthier relationships. Beyond explicit rules and boundary setting, FSS helps families develop new ways to manage stress, offers space for brave reflections, and provides free psychosocial support for current or previous trauma.

I’m so proud to work at an organization that is so deeply committed to trauma-informed prevention and built to fostering healthy family systems. If you look at the Center for Disease Control’s “Protective Factors for Intimate Partner Violence Perpetration”¹³https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/intimatepartnerviolence/riskprotectivefactors.html you’ll see the following:

It’s nearly impossible to measure the impact of FSS’s prevention efforts. But, I know that, because RMHC helps families build strong social networks, focuses on family resilience, and provides a well-resourced, stable housing community that creates access to medical care and support services while alleviating the financial and emotional burdens of medical crisis, we are doing our part. We have built a community that says, “Intimate partner violence is not okay.” 

For Ronald McDonald House families:

If you are experiencing or have experienced intimate partner violence, please know Family Support Services is here for you. You can contact Martha Hernandez, associate director of Family Support Services, at martha.hernandez@rmhcbayarea.org or call 650.470.6021 for immediate assistance.